Dear Fellow Bloggers & Other Readers,
I apologize in advance for delivering bad tidings. Nevertheless, I feel an obligation to warn everyone that the median of humanity’s cognitive ability has yet again plummeted. Why do I suspect this? Recently, I purchased a propane fire pit to accessorize my gazebo. You know, one of those units that come with fire glass? After assembling the unit, I unpacked the canvas cover. As I fitted the canvas cover over the unit, I noticed, in big, bold letters, the stern warning: Remove Before Using. I looked at my wife and cried, “How dare they! Maybe we wanna set ourselves on fire. What if our objective was to burn the house down? They didn’t account for that!”
If there’s one thing that I have little tolerance for, it’s presumptuous manufacturers. Yeah, I get it; taking a bite out of natural selection is a civic duty and often necessary. But, goddamnit, we gotta draw the line somewhere!
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