Michael's Corner

Arsène Lupin, the fictional gentleman thief created by Maurice Leblanc in 1905 and played by Omar Sy in a Netflix series, has got nothing on Kenneth Moore. It’s undeniable; Lupin is masterful, but he requires intricate schemes and elaborate disguises to pull off his nefarious deeds. Not Kenneth Moore. He seldom, if ever, changes appearance. What’s more, Moore, like a magician, can pick your pocket while remaining completely immobile and with both hands tied behind his back. Indeed, Lupin’s thievery, for its cunning and cleverness, can exhaust human imagination. Meanwhile, Moore’s dastardliness aligns with sorcery, for he warns you beforehand what he plans to steal, and victims are at his mercy.

Arsène Lupin and Kenneth Moore are both pieces of fiction, novelties, but with wholly dissimilar origins. Lupin walked off the pages of Maurice Leblanc’s imagination. Moore was assembled in a factory and distributed by Sears. Yes, Kenneth Moore is none other than a Kenmore Elite clothes dryer, purchased in 2012 by a New Jersey couple, named by that couple in 2016, and brought to life by a neurotic blogger in 2026.

The Kenmore Elite, aka Kenneth Moore, is quite particular concerning his thievery, targeting socks. Apparently, shirts, pants, and undergarments hold no interest for him; perhaps it’s only his feet that get cold. Anyway, two by two, many pairs of socks, like penguins to the ocean, march into Kenneth Moore’s drum, get tossed around for forty minutes, and then, at the end of a tumbling journey, they go in search of their mate. Unfortunately, unlike penguins that have safely reached the shore, not every sock finds its mate. There is always one forsaken soul left to wander a forbidding wilderness alone and unheralded, as Kenneth Moore has claimed yet another victim. Moreover, no one knows what Kenneth has done with 14 years’ worth of victims. Does he sell them? Torture them? Perhaps they’re accumulating in another dimension. I’ll bet that’s it! And that all the world’s lost socks will one day be reunited! And now the question is: who will play Kenneth Moore in the series?