He was Google before Google

For years, friends, family, and associates used the term “a warehouse of useless information” to describe me. I would have preferred tall, dark, and handsome but we can’t always get our way. Anyway, the term was not as unflattering as it might suggest but instead was a moniker acknowledging that information sticks to me like flies stick to fly paper. I shall admit to above-average intelligence—some may prefer the idiom smarter than the average bear—but it’s my memory that separates me from the pack. Memory and intelligence tend to occupy the same domain, but they do differ: Intelligence is the ability to learn, understand, and apply knowledge; memory is the ability to crystalize it. Everything that I’ve ever learned—dates, times, history, obscure passages, etc… —I’ve managed to keep captured in this weird labyrinth I call a brain.

And then came Google! The search engine didn’t subtract any items from my well-stocked “warehouse”, but it did diminish its importance among those in my inner circle. Seldom do I receive a call to cough up a historical fact, or nugget of information. Nowadays, I’ve been rendered less relevant, jettisoned to the sidelines, a rarely used second stringer. One day those who once depended on my memory as a handy resource will all gather at my headstone and mutter, “The poor bastard; he was Google before Google and in the end, no one needed him.

Hey, Siri; fuck you!

*****

It’s Valentine’s Day! So, whether you’re an aspiring young lover or veteran of a long-sustaining relationship, tap on the links below for a literary Valentine’s Day offering.

Love Pours from Her Chalice 10/28/2024

Where Dares the Butterfly 02/09/2025

Incidentally, aside from being a symbol of love, Saint Valentine is also the patron saint of beekeepers.

Daily writing prompt
If there was a biography about you, what would the title be?

4 responses to “He was Google before Google”

  1. hahahaha your preference, we are curious

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  2. Oh, Michael, your prose is a veritable treasure trove of wit, self-deprecation, and a healthy dose of unabashed self-awareness. Who would have thought that being a human encyclopedia would become an obsolete skill, thanks to Google’s all-knowing prowess?!

    Yet, while technology might have dampened the demand for your “warehouse” of information, let’s not forget the inherent charm of human interaction. A little dose of friendly banter over historical trivia or obscure facts will always be more fun than a sterile Google search.

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    1. Thanks for your comment. Nowadays, too many interactions and encounters end with (I like your term) a “sterile Google search.” It’s causing me to develop sympathy for Major League umpires.

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  3. abn4eternity Avatar
    abn4eternity

    Stupidity at its best. I was once a master of useless information as so many others. I feel slighted. All these years being made fun of and now the same people who made fun of me and others, look up the same information.

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