Viruses, irrespective of their origins, have one universal characteristic: they cannot travel over water. So, for example, if you were standing on the beach with the ocean to your right, you could rest assured that no virus could attack you from that direction. Also, if you are old enough to have read a newspaper on the beach, you know you must first half it, then quarter it, and then eighth it while holding it firmly with both hands. Why? Because of the constantly swirling air current. So, unless you had planned to engage in a public carnal display, the beach would have served as a safe haven during the days of COVID hysteria. But what was the first place the government closed? You guessed it: the beach. They also closed national parks and trails. The message? It was too dangerous to be outdoors. Ninety-nine percent of the world is outdoors. If ninety-nine percent of the world is deemed too dangerous or unsafe, we’re kinda fucked.
“COVID came from a wet market,” they had insisted. Oops, they got that wrong.
“COVID came from horseshoe bats,” they later asserted. Ahhhhh, that would be a no.
“COVID came from frozen ferret badger steaks,” another pseudo-scientist who carried water for the government had wailed. (Goddamn ferret badgers; I knew they were up to no good.)
“COVID came from racoon dogs,” they later swore. Ah, yes, the dreaded raccoon dog.
And last but not least, “COVID was the result of a lab leak.” Gee, if only they had pursued the likeliest theory from the outset, investigators could have learned which pathogens were used on which animal or specific tissue, and we might have had a better understanding of “the science.” Instead, we contracted an arsonist to put out a fire. More to the point, when those doctors at Johns Hopkins looked at COVID under a microscope and concluded that there was no way it came from nature, and then they were silenced, we knew we were being played but were bullied into allowing it.
I took the first two vaccines, but then I would seethe whenever I heard the chant, “No jab, no job,” because they had yet to provide any counterfactual data that proved the vaccine prevented transmission or saved the lives of those who DIDN’T have comorbidities that made them otherwise vulnerable. In February of 2021, I read an online article published by the CDC. Buried in the last paragraph was data that stated seventy-eight percent of all COVID deaths occurred in those who were obese. Most who read online articles don’t make it to the last paragraph. If the CDC had used what they buried in the last paragraph for a headline, many could have breathed a sigh of relief. And just for the record, the United States had five times more COVID deaths than the entire continent of Africa. I’ll go out on a limb and say there aren’t many all-you-can-eat restaurants in Africa. Do you know what else you wouldn’t have seen in Africa during the height of COVID? People in supermarkets, double-masked, wearing gloves, with shopping carts filled with potato chips and Sprite. Often, I wanted to tap someone on the shoulder and ask if they thought their gloves and masks were protecting them from the contents in their cart.
And so COVID, because of those who were anointed to take charge of the disease, has served to solidify why I’ve been, am, and will continue to play for team-skeptic. I’ll see y’all at the beach, virus be damned!
Michael's Corner 
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